


A Lucky Woman

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: A post series established relationship story.  Companion piece to 'Let Her Go'.  Barbara's POV
Relationships: Barbara Havers/Thomas Lynley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	A Lucky Woman

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

I’m fifty this year, and I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be.

Ridiculous as it seems, and to most people who knew the Barbara Havers of old it would be, I am a countess, Lady Asherton, with a husband who dotes on me and who I love with all that I am in return.

Our days are filled with estate business and charity work, a huge change from where we started out in the Metropolitan Police, but something that provides us with a sense of satisfaction all the same.

And yet there’s something missing from our life. 

A child.

The one thing that everyone thought I would succeed at without much trying is the one thing we will never have. 

My parents were convinced that I wouldn’t amount to much, and would end up spending my days on a council estate as a housewife with a brood of kids and a husband who did his best to spend as little time as possible at home.

Instead, I have become so much more than anyone ever expected.

Except a mother. Age and a shotgun blast took care of that.

I try to hide my sadness from Tommy, knowing that he holds himself responsible for the fact that the only thing my womb is used for is a waiting room for period blood. I read that somewhere once, and it struck a chord with me. None of this is down to Tommy. He didn’t make me fall in love with him. He didn’t force me to devote my life to him. He didn’t shoot me.

Most of the time I am content with my lot, but there are odd days when the what ifs bubble up inside of me before escaping down my cheeks, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.

I can’t do anything to change them either.

I hope that, with time, both they and the emptiness will leave me, replaced by the many blessings I do have. That Tommy won’t walk into a room and find me brooding and dwelling on the what might have beens.

I’m a lucky woman. Just not in the way I thought I would be.


End file.
